My twin nephews Matisse and Thomas help educate you on how to take care of your pets with a little help from my brother (their Dad) Dr. Mondrian Renaissance Contreras! So good! Check it out! xo - Maya
"I didn’t get married until I was 50. I think it finally happened because I stopped thinking it was possible."
"How do you mean?"
"Before I gave up, I was putting so much pressure on myself that I’d immediately be considering and measuring every man I’d meet. It’s not natural to begin a relationship with such a long term view. When I met my husband, I wasn’t looking past that afternoon."
Such wonderful advice. xo Maya
Frankie Knuckles on DJing for an audiance: “Collectively the room becomes one. Everyone’s vibes connect. It’s like a cosmic, invisible umbilical cord, and I’m the Mothership. Nothing but love and respect is fed to the crowd thru the music I’m playing…. At this point it becomes a ‘LOVE AFFAIR’ between me and the folks in the room. Together we all fall in love.” R.I.P. Frankie Knuckles.
Hilarious, but very unfortunately true. “Typecast Casting” by Tess Paras. #loveit xo Maya
By Maya Contreras.
(Me, always writing, at 8 years old at my grandfather’s desk in DC.)
My father texted me last night.
I know for some of you that may not sound unusual. However, this was the first time he had contacted me in over two years.
No we hadn’t had some sort of blow out argument caused by derision. In fact the last time I saw him was over a pleasant dinner* while vacationing in Atlanta, Georgia with my now fiancé Bobby.
That was over two years ago.
You may be wondering when was that last time I had seen him before that? When I was 15 years old in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
When had I seen him before that?
When I was 5 years old in Denver, Colorado.
My father was, well is, the definition of the absentee father. My father’s message to me the other night: “Did you and Bobby get married yet? Wishing you well. Love – Dad.”
“Are you going to call him back?” Bobby asked me, as I looked I my phone.
I immediately got a stomach ache, which then turned into the flu. That type of physical reaction would have never happened to me in the past. In the past I would have just gone numb or grown angry; those were my two main modes of operation before I turned 30. I used to be very good at being numb. It often came off as me being cold or not caring. While numb I was often flippant and condescending. Terrible, I know. It is what Bobby calls ‘my island’, a place where I am unreachable distant. It was my safe place. After losing my mother to breast cancer at 16 and then my grandfather to pneumonia a month after that, it was my body and mind’s natural response to survival.
I was fantastic at being angry. I could out shout anyone and often did. My moodiness was colossal, as if I was looking to push people away, which incidentally - I did. I must say admitting that is difficult and embarrassing, but it’s the truth. However, I will tell you, as you became an actualized sentient adult, those two states of being do not serve you well, not in relationships, not in a career, not really in anything.
I didn’t want my past hurts to haunt me anymore, nor did I want them to affect how I treated others (or myself). Now that I don’t hide behind anger or am shielded by an umbrella of numbness, I feel things so quickly, so truly: thus, the flu.
“Are you going to call him?” Bobby asks me again.
I really don’t know. I don’t know because, and this is complicated to say, but a large part of me doesn’t believe he deserves to be apart of my happiness now because he wasn’t apart of helping me heal from all those past years of pain.
I know that he wants to come to my wedding, and a small part of me wants him there because I remember that for the very first years of my life, he was so good to me, and I loved him very much. And then he wasn’t there, and he kept on not being there me and my two beloved brothers.
For me now, it’s very easy to forgive, but impossible to forget.
*(I had written about that meeting over dinner with my father you can read it here)
Love- Maya Contreras
This is undoubtedly my favorite photo of Karl Lagerfeld. You can see why. xo Maya